Smiling’s My Favorite

Hello again! I realize that while I love to write and am a little obsessive about my “stats” I don’t really like to share with you all the rough times. More over, I have great appreciation when a fellow blogger is brave and shares a rough time or challenging experience or decision with their readers. In a world of social media in which we compete with our hundreds of “friends” for the prize of happiest individual who has the most friends and can share the most photos portraying their infinitely stellar gatherings, travels and most perfect life events. It gives me the thought of buddy the elfa Will Farrell skit where he’s dressed as Buddy the Elf and he’s having a smiling contest with some fellow unbelievably and nauseatingly happy individual. While I like to show off my fair share of good times on the Facebook, I have some folks in my feed who leave me, often, thinking “there’s no WAY you’re that happy ALL THE TIME!” Which I know is the truth because while they’re photo stream portrays a euphorically happy individual, the status updates that trickle throughout those “good times” sound far from happy. Between complaints and angry rampages, it begs the question of why we are willing to put words out there proving we are unhappy and frustrated but aren’t willing to do the same with images. Or why are we so eager to prove we’re “happy” with endless photos of our “blissful” lives? With this detailed contemplation, I realize that I’m, in my own right, guilty of this need to portray happiness and success. In real life, I’m a cynical realist with chronic depression and I struggle every day to show my happy face to a world I feel very judged by. I have a really hard time sharing that side of me, mostly because I don’t really like her that much and I’m convinced others won’t either. So I keep her at bay and choose to not post at all rather than chance writing a load of crabby narratives of my misgivings and disappointments.

sold-signContrary to how this post has started out, I am here to share some good news.  Just three short weeks before we anticipate the arrival of Baby G, we’ve found out that we are fully approved for our home loan and our closing on the new abode is scheduled for next week!  Very relieving to know we didn’t take the photos off the wall and pack up that bookshelf for no good reason.  So the hubs has gone into full swing pack and organize mode while I, at eight months pregnant, guiltily sit on the couch and read up on the afterbirth of Baby G and stress about how we’re going to survive these two astronomical life events at once.  In between anxiety attacks though, it is hard not to get excited about all the things we’ve wanted once we finally owned our own home.  There’s the egg chickens (whom all have had names far longer than Baby G was even an imagination), and the strawberry patch of my childhood that I’ve longed to recreate, and the workshop for Hubs and craft room for me.  The vegetable garden that we’ll have years to sow and till, and the fruit trees and bushes.  Our choice of decorating and boy oh boy do Pinterest and I have some plans!

Some perks of the house that already exist?  Well, there’s a two stall barn (with a floor that “needs work”) that will be great for housing the chicken coop.  The kitchen is open with lots of space and light and a wood stove right in the middle of the first floor.  A two car garage, which Hubs has reminded me of many times now about how I won’t have to go out into the frigid winter elements to get in my car.  This is especially appealing when thinking of having an infant to load in as well.  The land is wooded and while it needs a bit of a cleaning, there’s some great space for gardens and agricultural landscaping.  It is also within walking distance of many other properties with well maintained recreational trails that we will be able to utilize.

While there are also many things that will require time and money to customize to our liking and needs, the very best perk is that it’s all ours!  So here’s to a week of frenzied preparations for moving and signing on the dotted line!

-Ali G

Week 32 – So Lovely To Meet You…

After a week from hell personally and nationally, I had been looking forward to things getting back to normal.  We had a our 32 week appointment and our second week of childbirth class on Wednesday.  We haven’t been to the office for about a month and Hubs wasn’t able to make it to our last appointment so it was something to be anticipated to go together again and hear Jr’s heartbeat and see how he’s doing.  I also like to find out what position he is in so I know what body part of his happens to be the one lodged under my ribs or is punching me in the hip bone.  At the practice we go to, we are required to have appointments with all five of the providers at least once, throughout the pregnancy.  Wednesday was the first time meeting this particular provider and I have to say, she left something to be desired in the “first impression” department.  Regardless of the fact that the entire 32 weeks up to this point, have gone exceptionally smooth, including passing my glucose and iron tests with flying colors and not having a single complaint or concern (other than my mental sanity, that has been on a maintenance path since the beginning); this woman decided that she needed to come in, with no introduction, and grill me about my weight gain within the last month.  While I can admit, I haven’t been as active as pre-pregnancy Ali or as active as pregnant Ali should be, the lack of tact is what throws me into this rant.  I’m a self-conscious individual and I spend plenty of time judging myself into a guilt-ed frenzy.  Losing almost full control of my body these last seven months has been, to put it lightly, a challenge for me.  We eat healthy and consciously and I rarely fully indulge

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beyond a bowl of ice cream a few nights a week.  I haven’t become a complete couch potato and don’t avoid exercise though I know a 30 minute walk could become more of a frequent event.  Despite all of these things, on top of never meeting this woman, she comes in, doesn’t even introduce herself,

Enough ranting.  and starts making what seems like a monumental deal of the extra poundage with no explanation as to how it could have such a negative effect on what has so far been a very healthy and positive pregnancy.  I spent the whole time on the pedestal of inferiority feeling judged and shamed at what I ate for breakfast, my sleeping habits and my lack of exercise, not to mention the now apparent damage it’s left me with as I feel even more frustrated and self-conscious about what’s happening to my body.  Thanks lady, so great to meet you and congrats on dredging up all the suppressed body image issues I’ve worked so hard to suppress…

On a more positive note, we had a brief meeting with our bank this morning and after signing more paper work, we discussed where we stand, a week after submitting our application.  It looks like the initial underwriting test has been passed so we’re pretty much personally in the clear which is a pretty relieving and exciting step.  It’s also very welcomed good news after a week of an overwhelming amount of bad news.  We now just have to wait for the appraisal to be scheduled and processed in a second underwriting phase.  We’ve got our fingers crossed that it’s quick and efficient so that our closing date can be moved this side of June.  I’ve started collecting boxes from the PB warehouse and now that Nate’s transitioned full time to the VT state ski team for the spring, the yearly packing project will recommence.  Speaking of the yearly move, I don’t think anyone has any idea how excited I am to realize this is our last move for at least 5 years!  We’ve moved every year for at least the past seven years and shoot will it be nice to actually settle in to a place of our own!   Not only that but it’ll be perfect timing for Jr. to have his own room and we’ll get to do whatever we want to it!  My addiction to Pinterest can now have an actual purpose!

With a week filled with ups and downs, we very much look forward to these increasingly positive turns that accompany the increasingly warm and sunny days.  So here’s to things looking up!

Until next time.

~Ali G

Adventures of the Approaching Abyss

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Wow! What a whirlwind of a month it’s been! We spent two days in February and March riding around the area with our Realtor looking at potential homes. After two days of spending our only days off together seeing over … Continue reading 

Spring Can’t Cometh Sooneth Enougheth

Sorry, got a little carried away with the Shakespear-esque lispe.  

I’ve never been more anxious for my warmer weather wardrobe.  The time consumed each day, putting my layers together and back together after every trip to the bathroom is getting might old.  Long john pants then long john shirt tucked into long john pants, jeans, jean belly band pulled over long john shirt and belly then readjust jean waist line which has fallen down in the minute and a half since putting them on.  Put on the second long sleeve, long torso’d shirt and pull down over jeans and adjust accordingly to cover where jean belly band meets real part of jean so the average citizen can’t tell they are maternity jeans.  They just think I’m a heavy beer drinker.  Wrap up neck in scarf (depending on how cold it really is and how thick my long underwear shirt is).  Pull/zip sweater over other layers and adjusted constantly throughout the day, along with long shirt to make sure, despite all the layers, that bottom of belly is never to be hanging out.